


rewritten.

by linoify



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Amnesia, Angst, Car Accidents, First Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Han Jisung | Han has Anxiety, Heavy Angst, Jealousy, Lost Love, Love Triangles, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Marriage, Memories, Memory Loss, Misunderstandings, Past Relationship(s), Sad Lee Minho | Lee Know, Slow Burn, Swearing, Unrequited Love, Wedding Rings, inspired by music my own experiences and books ive read, minho wants his jisung back, minsung - Freeform, prepare yourself shit hurts, the ex kid isnt here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26720917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linoify/pseuds/linoify
Summary: please read notes at the beginning!NEW VERSION
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 161





	1. Goodnight Angel

**Author's Note:**

> I want to sincerely thank you for all the love you've given this work. I was truly astonished and grateful to read all the comments. I coincidentally stumbled upon this account and then this book. if you're wondering where I've been I recently experienced some health issues which resulted in memory loss. It's humorous in a way; that I created this book completely unaware of the hell I'd go through in the upcoming months. I have retrograde amnesia and although it isn't as severe or long-term as it may be for many I have been recovering. But while reading this book I thought it was quite lovely, yes, but in some aspects unrealistic? I think that's only because I've now firsthand experienced how shitty amnesia really is. I know everyone's experiences may be different although I'd love to share my experiences in some way. In honesty, this is just an excuse to project onto my characters but I'd love to rewrite this book. Please be aware that my writing style is significantly different in some ways for more obvious reasons and that English isn't my first language and in past months I've done a great deal to try relearn much of what I'd already learned! if you've only just stumbled upon this book I'd really recommend reading the newer version of this to come, or if you're rereading this for the second, third whatever time please consider reading the new version! I'm really glad I rediscovered my love for both writing and stray kids and am really excited to rewrite this book. Thank you again, if you have any questions (please don't be too personal) don't hesitate to ask!

angel /ˈeɪndʒ(ə)l/

a person of exemplary conduct or virtue used in comparisons to refer to a person's outstanding beauty, qualities, or abilities.

**JULY 16 2021**

Jisung had just picked up Minho from a late-night dance class he'd been teaching and Minho couldn't help but notice a slight tension between the two in the car on their way home.

"Min?" Jisung's voice was so soft Minho barely heard him. He hummed in response, simultaneously turning down the volume of the music.

"I've been really.. worried recently." Out of instinct Minho was quick to turn all his attention to the younger, he knew to let Jisung take his time to let out all that was on his chest.

"My mind has just been so clouded with finals almost due and I've been editing this song over and over.. but nothing seems good enough," He finally let out a deep sigh seemingly having let it all out. Minho frowned slightly, he had noticed how frequently the younger had been doubting himself recently. Whether it was only because college had been worrying or not Minho was more than _certain_ Jisung was capable.

"Sungie, you're amazing.. really, please trust yourself and stop doubting yourself. I know I probably can't be of much help but _I believe in you_." Minho looked over to the boy that sat in the driver's seat, a small smile had formed.

The last thing Jisung said while looking at the boy he so dearly loved, the one he'd married knowing he wanted to be with him _forever._

Before a car came at full speed their way.

_"I love you,"_

**SEPTEMBER 7 2021**

Minho shot up panting, he cursed multiple times to himself. His heart beating uncontrollably, his hand trembled as he searched for his phone to check the time. His eyes widened at the several calls he'd received from Felix. He was quick to call the boy back remembering he was at the hospital with Jisung.

At the same time trying to control his breathing caused by the nightmare, he'd been having on loop for weeks. He tried to rid the thoughts of the nightmare not being much of a nightmare and more a _memory_. His thoughts thankfully interrupted by the metallic ringing of his phone coming to an end.

"Yongbok isn't it like.. 5 in the morni-" He was cut off by a trembling voice, he bit his lip trying to not cause himself any further panic.

"F-Felix? Is everything alright?" The others voice was uneven, Minho could barely make out a word due to the static and lack of signal that the hospital likely provided for Felix.

"It's Ha..nnie.." Was all he heard from the other side of the phone before he ended the call rushing to the hospital.

**SEPTEMBER 10 2021**

There was a deafening silence that filled the car, Minho's hands slightly shaking at the wheel of the car. He controlled the desire to pull the younger into a hug and finally feel the warmth against his skin again. Although he was well aware he couldn't.

"Minho.. correct?" the questioning tone that laced his words only hurt Minho more. Minho only nodded not daring to speak worried he'd cry or worse breakdown on the spot. He stared directly at the road feeling the eyes of the younger pierce through his skin. It had only just dawned him that something was missing, something was off, wrong. He peered down at the fourth finger of his left hand, the cold feeling of the ring against his skin, the way it shined against the soft moonlight. He then glances down at Jisung's hands which are carefully folded in his lap, the same cold feeling when he realises Jisung's ring finger is _empty._

Minho knew the doctors had given Jisung a breakdown of his life to try to understand the severity of the memory loss, but he was almost certain they had left out all the small details, the details that had mattered most too Minho. He remembers the look on Jisung's face when he finally looked up at Minho, Minho remembers the sudden weight that had lifted off his shoulders until he saw Jisung's expression change. _"Who.. Who are you?"_

The doctors worried expression when they attempted to explain to Minho the extent of the amnesia. He noticed the slowness and uneasiness in their tone as they explained having to show Jisung the marriage certificates for him to even begin to believe he was married, let alone to the man he'd woken up to not have ever seen him in his entire life.

He wishes he could say something. There are a lot of things he wants to say, or _wishes_ he could say. He wants to say that he misses him, _always_ , that ache never-ending and present. He wants to say that he's scared of losing him, even when Jisung is here now, but he can't handle the nagging thought in the back of his head that he was so close to never being able to stare at Jisung's familiar eyes again.

"How are you feeling?" Just those simple four words felt like large amounts of pressure weighing down of his shoulders. He heard a small laugh leave the boys mouth, it wasn't a happy one, heavily filled with exhaustion and uncertainty.

"Scared? I guess," His voice was soft as if he was trying to be careful with his choice of words, he sounded like Jisung. He wasn't sure why he was surprised, he was Jisung, this was Jisung.

"Why?"

"Well, I don't actually.. know _who you are_."

A small 'oh' leaves Minho's lips, it had barely settled in that he remembered nothing. Anything from their meeting to their wedding, none of the small details in between, Jisung didn't know who he was. It was different hearing it directly from Jisung rather than the doctor explaining the likeliness of extreme memory loss.

He takes a glance at the boy sat beside him, he looked just as he did all those weeks ago. He was wearing the same clothes he wore the night of the accident which made Minho stiffen, of course, nothing had changed. He felt the same warmth in his chest even with just the presence of the younger, the way his heart rate sped up at the thought of his lips of the others.

But as he quickly realises how tired the boy looked he finally decides to not question him any further until he'd at least gotten some form of rest. Rest which they both equally needed and deserved.

"We're almost home," _Their_ apartment, _their home_ , even before they married they were almost certain they'd move to Seoul together. He can still clearly remember the smile on Jisung's face when they first looked through the apartment. The slight bounce in his step as he firmly held Minho's hand dragging him to each room explaining exactly what he'd do with each room. He remembers when they bought it and how excited the younger got at the thought of them having their own home, in which he could decorate and make his own to his every desire.

Minho always playfully complained about the money he'd spend on things he saw as useless, but in reality, he loved it, he loved every small thing Jisung did. Every little stupid useless plant he'd buy, every tiny matching cat and squirrel sculpture he'd buy in hopes of it making Minho happy. The sudden train of thoughts came without him properly thinking or even processing because it was, and it has always been their home, but as he catches the glint of his ring, he gathers, that maybe it's not anymore. Maybe now it's _only his._

In reality, that's likely what it was in Jisung's eyes; Minho's home.

*

He awkwardly taps Jisung's shoulder in an attempt to wake him up. He soon did, before Minho showed him the directions to their place, it felt odd, both having Jisung at the apartment with him again as well as how he has to show Jisung where to go. There was no longer Jisung's silly race to the door which determined who would wash the dishes, although truthfully Minho purposefully lost each time so Jisung would have time to rest after his long days with classes.

He shuffles through his pockets in search for his keys, only then did he realise his hands were trembling. He fumbled around trying to get the key into place, unfortunately, Jisung had noticed. He said nothing as he took the keys out of the elders' hands opening the door. Minho pauses for a moment, partially out of embarrassment that he needed assistance opening a door but mainly because of the small contact they'd made in the process.

There was once again a silence which engulfed the room, again Jisung being the first to break it.

"If I remembered correctly.. they said there's a chance I could get my memories back?" Again doubting himself, Minho nodded.

"A small possibility," Jisung didn't say anything else, his eyes scanning the room. Sadly a part of Minho hoped that if Jisung simply looked around their apartment even a single memory would come back. He quickly dismisses the thought realising he should probably show Jisung around.

"Do you want to shower?" Jisung finally looks at Minho looking slightly dazed, he nods slowly. Minho indicates for him to follow behind allowing the boy to pick whatever he desired from his closet. He came out holding a blush pink coloured set of pyjamas, Minho gulped at the sight knowing Jisung knew nothing about the meaning to them.

Minho was able to have a brief but needed moment to simply stop and breathe knowing Jisung was here and alive, even if it didn't entirely feel like it, he was no longer stuck in the hospital staring hopelessly at the still body terrified he may never open his eyes again.

Jisung had found a seat at the kitchen countertop while Minho stood directly on the opposite side. He found himself staring at Jisung's towel-dried hair which looked incredibly soft, he so badly wanted to plant soft kisses on the youngers' forehead and remind him he was the prettiest human being he'd ever met, he didn't care how cliché it sounded or the way he almost cringed at his own words. It was the soft giggles that would leave Jisung's lips as he buried his face into Minho's chest.

"Question.. do I have like a job?" Minho felt stupid realising Jisung would have no idea of a university, he almost hit himself.

"Of course, sorry, you're a music student. You go to university for music production." Jisung's eyes seem to widen at Minho's words, a slight sparkle seemed to show. The first time in what felt like a long time he'd seen such life in his eyes. Minho was slightly confused as to why the boy seemed so shocked but he shook it off trying to think of what other basic knowledge he should probably share.

"I actually, achieved my dreams." He muttered to himself, Minho barely catching his words.

"What do you mean?"

"Since whenever I can remember my dreams were to go to college for music production, to buy a house and.. to _fall in love._ " Minho feels himself quietly repeating his last few words to himself in his head.

"But I _don't_ remember."

Of course, he almost laughs at himself, he should probably stop getting caught off guard at such words.

"What do you remember?"

He suddenly blurts, clasping his hand against his mouth realising what he'd just said, about to apologise a small laugh comes from Jisung's direction. Minho gulps, his laugh, his misses him, but again, he's right there. Jisung hums to himself as though he's genuinely thinking about it.

"Hyunjin, Hwang Hyunjin."

Minho freezes at the name that just escaped Jisung's lips, he doesn't remember nor wants to remember how long it'd been since he'd heard those words leave Jisung's lips in such a casual manner.

"You remember him?"

"In my mind, we're still together, and _I'm in love with him_."

Oh.

_Oh._

Minho genuinely wasn't sure whether he needed to hear that. If he was still in high school he'd have likely just got up and left the room out, although he learnt to not let his emotions push him to act like that anymore. He'd changed, mainly because of Jisung. He hoped Jisung would just drop the topic, a wave of slight anger built inside of him.

"He's my boyfrie- was, was my boyfriend? Why'd we break up?"

Minho stared blankly at Jisung who seemed to finally look directly into Minho's eyes, not so much because he seemed to want too, but more so as if he was pleading for an answer, an answer about Hyunjin. Just the name itself caused his thoughts to spiral, knowing even if he tried to talk his emotions would fuck him over. Jisung suddenly stopped looking at Minho as his leg started to bounce, he was likely getting anxious at the sudden change in atmosphere.

"I'm not sure, it just wasn't working." He finally said, no obvious emotion in his answer, almost catching Jisung off guard, he doesn't think he'd seen this side of Minho at all and he wasn't entirely sure what triggered it nor did he enjoy it. It intimidated him, he was _almost_ scared of Minho.

"That, I don't remember,"

"Breaking up with him?"

"No," he corrects. "Falling out of love with him."

Minho only nods looking at the counter desperate to find a way to change the subject. He didn't need to relapse the hell hole of thoughts that would fill his head if he thought about it, about _him._

Hwang Hyunjin. Han Jisung's _first love._

Neither did he need to think about the fact the man in front of him was a version of his husband who was still in love with that boy. The _perfect_ boy next door, childhood friends to lovers, he didn't want to care. But it seems it was too late. Jisung's eyes seemed to flutter as though he could fall asleep at any moment. Minho cursed to himself glancing at the clock realising the time. He mentally apologised not feeling like properly apologising.

"Do you want to sleep?" Jisung just nods, his shoulders slump making his lack of energy evident. "Should I sleep in the spare room?"

Minho had somehow completely forgotten about that. He hadn't thought about the fact they wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed anymore.

"Uh, I'll sleep in the spare. You can sleep in our room."

Jisung doesn't fully respond although his body language looked to be an 'ok'. He appears hesitant at first but Minho remembered he'd shown him around already. Jisung glances at Minho who stares blankly at the wall which then Jisung seems to just give himself a confirmation with a nod to himself.

"Goodnight Minho," Jisung mumbles as he walks towards Minho's room.

_"Hm, ok then what's the first thing you'll do at the end of your first day back with Jisung?" Changbin asks trying to lighten the mood, "I'll say, goodnight angel."_

"Night," Minho responds.


	2. Love, Are You Lost?

lost /lɒst/

unable to find one's way; not knowing one's whereabouts.

Minho groans as he opens his eyes for a moment, the sunlight almost blinding him. He rolled overextending his arms to where he'd usually feel a curled up, warm small Sungie. Instead, it's _cold and empty_. He fully opens his eyes eventually adjusting to the light ruffling his hair in an attempt to tame it, he's caught by surprise as he finds Jisung in the kitchen with a glass of water.

"Good morning Minho," he gives a small smile, Minho doesn't seem to answer, face still blank. Jisung bites his lip feeling slightly uncomfortable but also understanding Minho may be going through his own shit. He wasn't sure how he'd even begin to try process your own husband forgetting your very existence, frankly, it sounded like a nightmare.

"I was wondering.. about my school." Minho hummed in response starting to fill the kettle with water. "When - like how - do I do school." He says dumbly. Minho chuckled slightly before his expression quickly faded back to dull.

"Don't worry they're already aware of the situation, you won't have to complete finals unless you wanted," Minho pauses for a minute slight déjà vu at the thought of Jisung's college finals. The thing he'd been so anxious before that night.

"But to be honest.. I'm sure with the memories you have you're equally as talented as you are.. were?" He's uncertain how to word his sentences anymore but guesses Jisung can probably pick up what he's attempting to say. He doesn't seem to catch the light blush that brushed over the youngers' cheeks at Minho's statement.

"All those files, including your final you wanted to finish, should be on your laptop, it's somewhere in our room." Jisung nodded, thinking to himself that he should probably try to finish it. But at the same time unsure what difference in experience his 'other' self would have. He guessed far more, considering what he had calculated the night before, he had missed around 3 years of his own life.

"Hyung, what about you? What are you doing today?" Minho seems surprised at the sudden honorific, if he were honest he hated it but let it go.

"I've got a few dance classes till late afternoon then I'm picking up the kids." He says nonchalantly, he looks up in Jisung's direction noticing his eyes are suddenly wide open and mouth slightly parted. He furrows his eyebrows.

"What?.." Jisung seems dumbfounded, "The.. _kids_?" He squeaks, Minho's expression quickly changes before he bursts out laughing. Not so funny for the other who's incredibly confused and also extremely worried that he might've just been informed he has literal children he'd also forgotten about.

"Cats, Jisung, _my cats._ " He finally says trying to calm his laughing, Jisung feels incredibly stupid burying his head in his hands as he let out an 'oh right' out of embarrassment.

"Uh.. anyway, can I watch your dance classes?" Jisung quickly tries to change the subject but at the same time asks exactly what he wanted to before the unexpected misunderstandings. Minho seems quite surprised but also pleased.

"If you're up to it?" Jisung smiles in response. "Hyung, stop worrying about me, think of it as a get to know each other field trip."

Minho almost scoffs, get to know each other field trip with his literal husband. His mind seems to trail off to what they were. He knows just because according to the law they were married they were barely acquaintances in Jisung's mind.

*

Jisung seemed to have found his laptop seeing as he had been fiddling with it throughout the entire car ride to Minho's dance studio. Minho was slightly distracted by the pretty hums that came from Jisung as he smiled at whatever he'd created, Minho almost chuckled realising Jisung probably didn't notice he was humming as he wore earphones which Minho wasn't sure the other had known weren't his, not that he cared. Jisung awkwardly trailed behind Minho trying to be out of view of as many people swarming each room as possible. Jisung couldn't help but notice how many people knew Minho, even himself. He just forced out a smile at the random kids who named him 'Han' of course along with an honorific.

Minho quickly explained that he had around three consecutive lessons before a break which he suggested bringing Jisung home if he got bored. If Jisung was honest he couldn't help but worry, three whole hour and a half lessons of dancing seemed far too draining to him. But soon Jisung understood, understood why Minho would put himself through such labour. The way his body moved to the beat, his clear understanding of the music and his control of his body amazed Jisung. He couldn't help but stare. Every other kid in the room seeming to fade away. He stared only at Minho until he seemed to have been caught, Minho made eye contact directly at Jisung through the mirror smirking slightly as the almost seductive music played. Jisung's eyes widened as he swiftly averted his eyes.

That was when Jisung first realised, _Minho was fucking beautiful._

Not that he didn't realise the first time he'd seen him in the hospital but watching him doing what he loved with such passion only attracted the younger further to the brunette. He turned to the mirror looking at his hair, bleached to a cool silver, his roots have grown out quite a lot. The last he remembered he still had his boring brown hair, once again remembering how little he knew. He huffed realising how little he compared to the elder who was counting the beat while watching his students with cold eyes, he was slightly squatting which allowed him to have a better view.

After what felt like forever Minho's first three classes had ended. Not that Jisung cared, he had enjoyed getting to simply stare at Minho for over three hours, he'd do it again. "Sorry, that took so long, want to go home? I have a small break." Jisung just shook his head as he looked down towards the ground completely avoiding looking at the sweating mess Minho was directly above him.

"You're.. really, talented." He mumbled Minho smiled, "Thank you, Sungie." He responded Jisung barely processing the nickname, he finally put down his water bottle squatting down to Jisung's eye level.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." He whispered patting Jisung's head, likely for only Jisung to hear.

_Fuck._

Minho was putting away the last of the mats which the last students had just left on the ground, Jisung quietly helping without being asked. Jisung squealed as the door to the studio suddenly swung open.

"H-Hannie?" A surprised voice, Jisung thinks he's heard before voiced. He turns around to be faced by the same blonde boy he'd seen almost every day in the hospital with him, he recalled his name was Felix. Jisung smiled giving the boy a small wave.

"Uh, Minho-Hyung hopefully you don't mind but I brought Changbin." Jisung peered around the door finally noticing a second boy behind Felix, probably a little older than himself but shorter. Changbin looked at Jisung wide-eyed, before giving a small smile.

"I'm Changbin, Felix's boyfriend." Jisung wasn't sure whether Changbin was introducing himself because he knew Jisung wouldn't remember or because Jisung has literally never met him.

As if Changbin could hear his thoughts, "We used to be quite close," He chuckles a bit, Jisung just nods unsure how to respond considering Changbin would already know who he was, maybe even better than himself if that was possible. Felix finally breaks the awkward atmosphere slowly grabbing Changbin's hand to which Changbin automatically complied taking the boys small hand in his own. Jisung couldn't help but be reminded of a certain someone, Hyunjin.

"Anyway, I've got a few lessons to take after Minho-Hyung! Binnie was just dropping me off." Minho hummed in response glancing at Jisung who seemed to be in his own world, he gulped signalling Felix that he could take the room as they'd finished cleaning up. Minho slowly walked towards Jisung carefully taking his hand making the younger flinch his attention suddenly on the hand Minho had touched.

"Ah, sorry," He repeated a couple of times, he did it out of instinct. He and Jisung would always walk back their car holding hands, it had become 'their thing' after the first time Jisung had the day off from college and watched Minho's classes as he did today.

But he forgot, he forgot, that _Jisung forgot._

*

They sat in the car, outside the studio not leaving yet. Minho was on his phone texting Felix updates on which choreos to teach to which class as he'd forgotten to tell inside. While Jisung took glances at the laptop in front of him then back at Minho.

"Hyung, could you listen to this? I need opinions," Minho nodded looking over Jisung's shoulder and at the screen. Jisung offered the other an earphone, leaving the other for himself. He hesitantly clicked space bar the song beginning softly, quietly. It was pretty, it reminded Minho of Jisung, his eyes and smile. Then it came up to the bridge, it was different as if the music was looking for something, _searching_ , as if the music itself was confused. Minho quickly noticed a change in the rhythm, as if someone else had completed this section of the song. But it wasn't a bad change, it was emotional, in a different way from the beginning. A needed and well-executed contrast.

Minho knew this was the final Jisung had been working on. The thought of him not knowing how to complete the song, how he couldn't find anything which satisfied him. Minho guessed because he wanted the entire song to emit these carefree, happy emotions. Although, this Jisung added a whole other perspective to the once simple tune. It gave it meaning, the depth which it seemed to lack at first.

"When I opened the file.. it was called 'Lover of mine', I thought it didn't fit the way I'd interpreted it, so I changed it." Minho just looked at him, his eyes more specifically. He doesn't remember the last time he was this close to Jisung that he could properly look at him in the eye. He noticed the lack of life his eyes once held, but still to him he noticed the small stars in the younger's eyes. To him whether it was his Jisung or not, his eyes held galaxies, the _universe._

"What'd you change it too?"

_"'Love, are you lost?'"_

They finally arrived at the apartment, "Sungie, I'm going to go out for a few minutes to pick up the cats. Do you mind staying home alone for a bit?" Jisung just nodded, although in his mind he was still 18 he was pretty capable of staying home alone for even a bit. Minho nodded going to his room to quickly grab something. Jisung decided to sit on the couch awaiting the elder to leave.

"Grab anything from the fridge if you're hungry.. also do you want anything while I'm out?" Jisung pondered for a moment, he wondered if his 'memory-filled' self would still like iced americanos and cheesecake.

"An iced americano, if that's not troublesome to get." Minho smiled, "Of course, I'll get the usual." He said before the front door shut. Jisung guessed, he _still liked_ iced americanos. He stood up not sure what to do, he walked towards Minho's room, or more so their room. He looked at the bedside table at his phone, picking it up and opening it with his fingerprint since he didn't know the password. His only worry at that moment that he'd get locked out of his phone if he wasn't careful. Although he was glad, losing your memory didn't mean your fingerprint changing. He just prayed Minho might know the password. He hummed songs to himself as he clicked on the camera roll, he scrolled to the top, in the process noticing how little pictures he had of himself.

Curiosity got the best of him and he ended up watching what felt like hundreds of videos of cats which he guessed were the cats Minho was out getting now. He couldn't help but feel like he was invading someone else's privacy, he barely understood that this was his life. Or _was his life._

That's when he started coming across different videos, _'Min baby, look at the camera,'_ the voice in the video was soft but he knew it was his. There was a half-asleep Minho, coincidentally in the exact spot, he was sitting at that moment. There were muffled groans that came from Minho as Jisung heard himself giggle trying to get the funny filter onto his sleeping husband. _'You look cute~'_ Then the video stopped.

He kept looking, he found pictures of Felix and Changbin along with hundreds more pictures and videos of Minho. He found himself start looking around the room, soon through the bookshelves. His hand skimmed along with each book and stopped at a single polaroid which was being held up by a small cat sculpture accompanied by a matching squirrel one, he carefully picked it up examining the picture.

It was himself, lying down with a smile on a patch of bright green grass. His hair was orange and abnormally long, he almost gagged at the sight of his untamed hair. He flipped over the polaroid and in small neat handwriting;

_'i love you angel, love from lee minho'_


	3. Fragments Of His Vows

vow /vaʊ/

a solemn promise.

"Doongie holy shit calm down-" Jisung was woken up by the voice of a distressed Minho, he rubbed his eyes almost jumping as he noticed the orange cat staring right at him.

"There's.. three?" Jisung's voice was croaky and deep from having fallen asleep. Minho nodded putting down the white cat.

"Soonie, Doongie, Dori." Minho pointed at each as he named each of them off, Jisung smiled already patting Soongie. "I think they missed you," Jisung didn't respond, he doesn't _remember_.

"I was thinking, tomorrow.. do you want to go out? Just like go to the park or something, you don't start school for a while and-" Minho begins rambling.

"You're rambling. Yes Min, I'd love too," Minho seems to be caught off guard by the nickname, he just nods muttering something under his breath as he blurted that he'd go feed the cats. To Jisung's disappointment, Soonie left as soon as she heard the rustle of her food. He pouted flopping back down onto the bed, Min, he repeated the nickname in his head after hearing it multiple times throughout the many videos he'd watched. But he couldn't help but think about it, _'i love you, angel'._

Minho called him _an angel._

*

The next day started fairly similar to the last, only a couple words being exchanged as Minho handed Jisung food he'd prepared. He explained that he'd woken up early and had nothing else to do so decided to cook breakfast, Jisung decided to not retort considering he could barely say thank you as his voice hadn't adjusted to the early morning chill.

"I've got a few classes today, I'll be back late afternoon. Then we can go to the place I planned," Jisung just nodded taking another piece of pancake, his cheeks inflating making Minho want to tell him how cute he looked but saying it would only make the atmosphere awkward, so he decides to leave the conversation hanging walking towards his room to pick clothes and shower.

Jisung is once again left home alone, he pouts sitting up scanning the room. He felt as though he'd already searched every corner of the room, it seemed to get smaller and smaller the more he looked at it. He stands up skipping into the living room, he bends down looking through the CDs to see if they had any good movies, more Disney princess movies then he'd probably expected but he wasn't entirely surprised. He tilts his head to read the label of the CD, _'Lee Minho and Han Jisung's Wedding',_ it read in the same small neat handwriting on the back of the polaroid he'd seen the other day.

He bites his lip thinking whether to or not, he mutters to himself checking the time. There was still ages until Minho came home, he quickly grabbed the disk placing it in the DVD player beside the tv. He clicks play planting himself on the couch. He squeals realising he almost sat on Soonie, "Sorry baby," he murmurs petting the startled ginger.

Jisung stares at the blank screen and unsure what to expect.

The video plays.

He sees people he doesn't recognise smiling at the camera and they look so happy, their eyes shining. It then cuts to Minho, he looks _beautiful_ , hair slightly darker than now but still brown, he sees the elder take a deep breathe looking at Changbin who just smiled seemingly comforting his friend. He doesn't think he'd ever seen Minho like that, he looks _genuinely happy._

_"Hyung, are you excited?"_ A man behind the camera asks Minho. _"I don't think I've been this excited in my entire life."_ Jisung seems to understand why he would've fallen for the boy, he sounds so sure, like there isn't a doubt in his mind that Jisung was indeed the one for him.

His eyes widen as the scene cuts to one of _himself_. Unlike now he had pitch-black hair, it reminded him more of the version of himself he remembered. Jisung stares at the man on the screen, he looks and sounds like him, but _he can't recognise him._

_"Hannie~ What would you want to say to Minho?"_

_"Nothing, I'll tell him everything at the alter."_ He just sees himself give a small smile. He can't help but notice the hint of worry in his expression, but he realises it isn't a bad worry. He just wanted it to be _perfect._

The alter, it was beautiful, _perfect._

He sees the expression on his face when he looks up at Minho. _Love_ , he was more than certain it was love.

Jisung wishes he could feel it too, feel love when he looks at Minho. Instead, when he looks at Minho all he sees is a boy pleading for answers, longing for his love back, _his angel._

_"Jisung,"_ Minho looks directly in Jisung's eyes as if they're the only thing in the world that mattered. He never realised till now, that Minho always looks at him like that - at his eyes. _"I won't lie, I always felt as though I'd never been enough for you."_ He could almost feel the pain in his own eyes just looking at himself on the screen.

_"You took over my every thought, everything reminded me of you. No actually, you still do, you're all that's ever on my mind. I don't regret a moment of it, I'd go to hell and back for you. I wish there was a word stronger than love because if there is then that's what I feel for you. More than love. I promise to do whatever it takes to bring you pure happiness. I want to be there for you, always. No matter the situation I'll always go back to you. So if you ever feel lost, please remember that I loved you and will always love you."_

_"I love you. I don't care if you're tired of hearing it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, it sounds stupid but in our next life and the next and so on, I hope it's always us. I hope us in every universe is this happy. I vow to be your happiness and love you till the end of time."_

Jisung stares at the screen, he guesses maybe the universe wasn't for _us_. But he sees it, himself, the way he looked at Minho. It was the same way Minho looked at him as if only they understood what they were trying to say without words, just _their eyes_.

_"You may not believe me, but it was always you and will always be you. When I look at you I see everything I've ever wanted in life, truly it's insane how it came to be us. We're complete opposites, fire on fire even but maybe that's why it was meant to be. For the longest time, I watched and wondered why we continued to try. I was so sure it would never work, but you, you never gave up on me. Every time I pushed you away you came back. Minho, I chose you and from now on I'll continue choosing you. I vow to always choose you, because Lee Minho, I'm in love with you."_

The officiant pronounces them as husband and husband, and Jisung is the one who leans in first, taking him by the shoulder and pulling him into a slow kiss. The crowd cheers but all Jisung can see as he stares at the screen is that _they look happy._

*

Once again there's a silence that fills the car, although somehow it feels comforting. Maybe it's just Jisung's presence and aura but Minho feels safe. He doesn't know what was so shit about today to make him feel so exhausted but when he got home he felt sick, but he didn't want to cancel what he was planning with Jisung. He only hoped Jisung wouldn't notice how tired he was both mentally and physically, he guesses not when he glances over to see Jisung's fast asleep. Although he isn't surprised, he'd gotten home far later than anticipated, it was almost pitch black out.

"We're here." Jisung eyes flutter open, he looks around realising how dark it was, only the car lights and moon illuminating where ever they are. Minho was already out of the car, Jisung squints thinking Minho's holding something before the elder puts it back into the car. It wasn't that Jisung didn't trust Minho, he just had zero idea where they were. Minho seems to notice the younger's confusion.

"Take my hand, just, _trust me_ for a second." Jisung had no reason to refuse, he reaches his hand out, Minho carefully takes his hand in his own, their fingers intertwine. It's _warm_ , the cold feeling Minho had been experiencing for days seemed to dissipated even a little. They finally come to a halt after walking for less than 5 minutes.

Minho seems hesitant before separating Jisung and his hands, he sits down patting the grass beside him signalling for Jisung to sit, Jisung obeys sitting down careful to not trip or sit on anything. Minho stays silent just looking up, Jisung takes a glance at the elder before looking up to see whatever intrigued the other so much. His eyes widen at the sight, he isn't sure how he could've missed the sight but it was beautiful. The sky was _filled with stars_ , he almost felt the urge to trace and connect each of them with his hand. Minho's the first to speak.

"The last time we.. I, came here, it was still morning. I made a _promise_ to a person to come back here with them but at night. He told me, he was _certain_ the sky would be equally as beautiful at night." His voice almost a whisper. Jisung can't help but look around, it reminded him of something, was it a memory? Was Jisung remembering something? It scared him, he was _scared to remember._

"Was.. Was I that person?" A small smile formed on Minho's lips as he looked away from the stars and down at Jisung. His eyes, although the stars were beautiful, the stars could never compare to _Jisung's eyes_. Minho just nodded.

Why did he remember something?

"The polaroid." He blurted, not realising he'd said it out loud. Minho's eyebrows furrowed. "The one on the bookshelf, was that here? Was that from the last time you came here?" Minho's lips turned to an 'o' shape, he hummed in confirmation. Jisung almost frowned, he hadn't remembered anything, it just reminded him of that polaroid he'd seen. He couldn't help but be slightly glad he hadn't remembered anything.

"I thought I remembered something, guess not." He murmured, Minho was still watching Jisung who rested his head against his arm.

"Do you _want_ to remember?"

"No,"

Minho can't help but feel his heart shatter, he wasn't sure why it hurt so much hearing that. He answered so quickly it made Minho think he'd already thought about it. Minho felt like complete shit, the true reason he wanted to come here was the spark of hope he had that maybe Jisung might remember something. Maybe their promises would cause all the memories to come flooding back, he wanted Jisung back, he wanted _his Jisung_ back.

"I miss _him_ ," Jisung's eyes widen at that, him? He almost laughed, he was right here, right in front of him. He wasn't enough right? He wanted the boy who knew him.

"You want the boy who _loves you_ back." Jisung doesn't mean to voice his thoughts. Minho just stops. He doesn't know why, why _he forgot._

_Jisung doesn't love him._

Not anymore.

"In case you forgot, I'm not in love with you," He pauses. "Jisung stop."

It plays in his head.

"No, no you're being so _selfish_."

He hears it again.

"Minho I'm literally still 18 in my mind, I've never met you before and somehow I'm married to you?"

Han Jisung's wedding vow.

_'I vow to always choose you, because Lee Minho, I'm in love with you,'_

"Minho, I'm still in love with Hyunjin."

You _broke_ the vow.


	4. Another Forgotten Farewell

farewell /fɛːˈwɛl/

an act of parting or of marking someone's departure.

It's not as easy as it may seem to ignore someone especially if you live in the same cooped up apartment with only one being decent enough at cooking and only one car. Jisung had only just started classes again although decided to do online for the semester for obvious reasons and it just being easier with Minho needing the car to go teach his classes.

Minho wasn't sure what was worse, Jisung being at home but them trying so hard to ignore each other or Jisung not being there at all. In a way, it felt like Jisung wasn't even there, as though this Jisung who now lived with him wasn't the same person he'd married. Although he was trying to suppress these thoughts after the recent events.

That's when Minho and Felix are organising their timetable Minho realises, it's almost Jisung's birthday.

"Fuck-" He exclaims out loud making Felix jump slightly, "What's wrong?" Felix asks without looking over at the elder.

"Jisung's birthday, it's in a few days," Felix just stares at Minho. "Didn't I just tell you like 2 minutes ago it was my birthday soon.." Minho looks at him confused, he nodded but didn't understand what he meant - until _he did._

"Oh, I'm so sorry," He forgets their birthdays are a day apart. He awkwardly chuckles as Felix just rolls his eyes continuing to colour code his time table with his pastel highlighters. Minho quickly begins packing up his things stuffing them into his backpack, he had to get home at a reasonable enough time that he would have a brief moment to muster the courage to even approach Jisung. He bid his goodbyes to Felix before pulling his phone out of his pocket to check the time, spontaneously deciding to go buy dinner on his way home. Mainly because he was too lazy to cook that night.

"Hi," Was all Minho said as he entered, Jisung said nothing, embarrassed Minho pretends he was talking to Dori. He clears his throat in an attempt to catch the younger's attention, luckily it does and he slowly looks up.

"I remembered it was your birthday soon," He stammered, Jisung just nods. "Do you.. Is there anything you want to do?" He rephrases what he says when he remembers Jisung probably wouldn't want to go to their usual spot, considering he wouldn't remember it. Jisung fiddles with his fingers as though he wants to say something but won't.

"Uh, I was wondering if, we could go to Incheon."

Jisung's birthplace.

Also, where _Hyunjin_ lived.

*

Really there wasn't much Minho could do, it wasn't like he could just say no because he didn't like the idea of his husband being near his ex whom he _now_ also loved. He knew Jisung knew they were married but where they truly stood as a pair was unknown to both parties. They decided to visit Jisung's parents considering he _actually_ knew them, they weren't so much of a _distant memory_ as was Minho.

Jisung packed relatively fast, in Minho's eyes, it was quite unusual. He remembers how Jisung would always pack last minute and jokingly complain it was the other's fault for being 'so cuddly'. But of course, he remembers, _Minho remembers everything._ Minho looked up feeling eyes on his back, he caught Jisung at the door holding his bag.

"Hyung?" Minho nodded looking back done at his folded clothes placing each into the suitcase. "I plan to meet someone when we get there if you don't mind me leaving you alone with my parents," Minho genuinely didn't care enough to ask Jisung who he was meeting, mainly because of how mentally exhausted he was. He just nodded no visible expression on his face.

Jisung couldn't help but think back to the wedding video, Minho stopped looking at him, stopped looking at him with _those eyes._

The drive was around an hour, Jisung took this as an opportunity to sleep. But instead was awoken by the sound of rain. He rubbed his eyes looking around realising it was raining. He looked over at Minho, empty, he still looked _empty_. Jisung bit his lip looking down at his ring finger noticing, he was _still_ wearing the ring. He looked down at his own hands wondering where his was, he didn't remember ever taking it off, let alone having it in the first place.

"Minho-Hyung?" Minho nods, "If you don't mind me asking, _my ring_.. Where is it?" Minho looked blankly at Jisung's empty ring finger before shrugging.

"You don't _need_ it anymore."

Jisung doesn't know why, but a part of him breaks at Minho's words.

After what felt like forever they arrived at Jisung's childhood homes' driveway. It was nostalgic, probably because he remembered it. He smiled to himself opening the car door heading to the boot to grab their bags. Minho silently grabbed Jisung's bag handing it to him before hauling his own out and beginning to walk to the front door. As the door open Jisungs' mother's eyes widened at the sight of the two, a huge smile forms on her lips as she engulfs the two into a hug. Minho and Jisung's bodies colliding for a moment at the action. Jisung gulped pulling away greeting his mother before she allowed him in leaving him and Minho at the door.

Halfway up the stairs, Jisung stopped peering down the staircase in their direction, "Minho-ah.." She quietly said pulling him into another hug. That's when he saw it, he saw Minho cry.

"I'm so tired," he watched as Minho fell apart in his own mother's arms. He felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he just watched the scene unfold.

"I think - I think I have to _let him go_." Jisung's eyes widened, he felt his knees go weak at that, he rushed up the stairs running into his room slamming the door. He felt his heart rate increase rapidly, it hurt, his body hurt. His knees gave in, what the fuck was happening. Why was he so affected? He didn't like Minho in that way, he didn't understand. Was it the guilt? No.

He realises, he _misses_ it.

Minho, he misses the way Minho looked at him. At the hospital, their silent car rides, when they first talked in the kitchen, under the stars. Minho didn't look at him anymore, as though he no longer loved the younger.

Jisung loved that Minho loved him, _he loved feeling loved._

"Sungie?" He heard a croaky voice ask from the other side of the door. He cursed under his breath trying to control his breathing, "Y-Yes," He stuttered, "Are you okay?" The voice sounded desperate, didn't he just say he wanted to let go of him? Why was he still here?

"Please, please open the door," He mumbles something at the end but Jisung doesn't catch it, he takes several deep breaths before shakily standing up unlocking the door. Minho's eyes widen at the boy who stood before him, shaking. Jisung could barely think, he was so dizzy.

He felt lightheaded, that's all he remembers.

_"I'm sorry angel,"_ He hears a shaky voice although he doesn't feel fully conscious.

Jisung rubs his head examining his room, he sees his mother peer into his room, she lets out a long sigh noticing he's awake. She walks towards him kneeling patting his head, "You don't know how worried I was." She looks a little longer at her son before pulling out a chair sitting at the side of his bed.

"M-Minho, Where is he?" He suddenly asks, his mother's eyes soften at the mention of Minho. "He'll be back, soon.." She seemed unsettled with her words, Jisung couldn't help but feel a pit in his stomach grow at the uncertainty her words held.

"Ah, we're having your birthday dinner tonight, you should probably get ready." She smiled, he caught the slightest bit of pity in her smile. He just nodded throwing off the blanket unzipping his bag. He held up each article of clothing he's brought trying to visualise an outfit, he doesn't know why his minds so clouded, but he's thinking about Minho.

He finally pairs together a yellow hoodie with a pair of ripped jeans, he peers out the window to see if he could catch anyone walk by. He freezes for a moment at the figure that walked by, _"H-Hyuni?"_

**NOVEMBER 24 2016**

"Hyuni, how do I look?" Hyunjin turned to look at Jisung who didn't seem pleased with his outfit. He chuckled slightly walking up to the shorter and wrapping his hands around his waist resting his head on his shoulder. Jisung frowned swatting the other away.

"You didn't answer," He whined trying to not make his growing blush obvious.

"You look beautiful Hannie."

Jisung gulped trying to look around for someone he knew. He took several deep breathes trying to remember that Hyunjin would be back at any moment. He jumped at the skin on skin contact he'd made with a stranger he bowed in apology frantically searching for Hyunjin. He felt his whole body almost collapse as he was shoved away from the crowd.

"Holy shit - I'm so sorry," The boy had dark brown hair, a similar height to Jisung but slightly taller. Jisung just stared at him for a moment, before the other helped him up.

"Watch where you're going next time," Jisung mumbled, the other slightly caught off guard at the bold statement. He just nodded awkwardly holding out his hand.

"Min-" He was distracted by the sudden appearance of his _boyfriend_. He smiled spotting Hyunjin, he seemed to have forgotten the presence of the boy who tripped him not even bidding him _goodbye_ before moving to Hyunjin.

**JANUARY 17 2017**

"Hyunjin fucking let go," Jisung raised his voice suddenly making the elder jump releasing his grip on the younger's wrist. "I-I'm sorry," Jisung looked up directly in Hyunjin's eyes, Hyunjin's eyes widened as he saw how bloodshot the younger's eyes were.

"I can't do this anymore Hyuni- Hyunjin." Hyunjin simply nodded, he knew what he'd done was wrong. Whether he loved Jisung or not, he'd hurt the younger too much to let himself stay with him.

13 years wasted; Jisung had his _first heartbreak_ , over his _first love._

But he _doesn't_ remember that.

**PRESENT**

The birthday celebration was quiet around their family dining table but he didn't mind, honestly, he preferred the quiet to a noisy loud party. Although the silence causes his thoughts to go wild.

"Eomma, Where's Minho." It sounds more like a statement than a question this time. His mother seems uneasy, "He.. He left." Jisung looks up dropping his chopsticks.

_"What?"_ He wanted to hear it again, he needed confirmation he wasn't hearing things. "Jisung-ah I'm sorry-" He interrupted her. "No, say it again."

"Jisung." She began raising her voice. He stood up slamming his hands against the table. He ran up the stairs towards his room locking himself in his room. He rummaged through his bag, finally finding his phone he called Minho refusing to believe he'd leave him without even a goodbye.

"It's Minho, can't come to the phone right now.. unless you're Sungie, I'll answer you soon baby!" Jisung freezes, Minho must've never changed his voicemail.

He calls again.

_Again._

He hears the voicemail tone ones more before letting it reach the tone, then _silence_.

"Min, please, please come back."

He lets the voicemail send before setting his phone down, he collapsed in tears.

He was awoken by the ringing of his phone, he swiftly picks up his phone clicking answer. "Min-"

"Hannie?" He hears a different voice, _Hyunjin._

Minho made many promises, as did Jisung. Although Jisung likely knew of none of them. He was too tired, too tired to even get up let alone drive all the way back to Seoul. He decided to crash at a hotel for the night until he had the energy to drive back.

He cursed to himself realising the clock of the hotel was broken, he stood up and fumbled around his bag to find his phone. His eyes widened at the immense amount of calls from 'my angel', he noticed a voicemail. He bit his lip deciding whether to open it or not. He let out a deep sigh throwing his phone onto the bed falling back beside it.

Jisung said it himself, he loved Hyunjin. If he were honest he was being selfish, he was very well breaking his own vows. But he knew this time was different, he didn't have the benefit of everything they'd been through, because Jisung _hadn't_ been through any of it.

He doesn't blame Jisung, more himself. For not being good enough. He felt tears forming making him bite his inner cheek so they wouldn't fall, trembling, he slowly slid off his ring. He observed it shining it against the ceiling light, Jisung chose it. It was pretty, small, fragile but at the same time extremely strong like Jisung.

Again, Jisung.

_Everything was Jisung._

He groaned rolling over accidentally placing his hand on his phone, without realising.

The voicemail starting playing.

Minho wasn't sure of much, except that he was in love Jisung. He was more than sure of that. He'd made a vow to love Jisung till the end of time and he was still honouring that vow.

He stared at his screen, playing the voicemail for what felt like the hundredth time.

He called him Min, he doesn't think he'd ever heard such pain in his voice, he didn't know why, why Jisung wanted _him_ back. He buried his head in his hands a pounding headache forming and worsening by the second.

His initial plan was to bring Jisung to Incheon and let him stay there since that's where his love was, the one who'd make him _happy_. Considering Minho no longer could.

He promised to bring the boy pure happiness, nothing else. He wanted him to live happily, whether that was with him _or not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how i fucked everything up in one chapter either.. don't ask i was projecting


	5. We Keep This Love In A Photograph

memory /ˈmɛm(ə)ri/

something remembered from the past, which a person or event continues to be remembered.

**JANUARY 17 2017**

Jisung felt sick, even just thinking about it made him feel sick. He buried his head in his hands, letting out soft sobs.

"Uh, sir?" He jumped at the voice looking up, his eyes met with one of the workers. He cursed under his breath realising how awkward this was. The barista just staring at his likely swollen face, "Sorry," He mutters picking up the menu on the table in front of him checking what he should get.

"Just an iced americano and cheesecake." His voice almost inaudible but the guy seemed to pick it up, "Are you Jisung?" Jisung's eyebrows furrowed as he looked back at the worker, he just nodded.

"Ah, we met at the school dance.. the one who _accidentally_ pushed you over," Jisung's brain was barely functioning, having to think back to the dance only reminded him of Hyunjin again. He groaned feeling tears form again, the eyes of the barista widened, "Shit - sorry, didn't realise me tripping you was such a big deal.." For some reason, he sounded genuinely upset, it made Jisung chuckle a bit.

"You're cute," He mumbles, wiping his eyes before looking up to get a better look at the boy. He was right, it was the guy from the dance, "Min, right?" The boys' eyes widened at the name.

"Yeah,"

**JANUARY 30 2018**

Minho stared helplessly at his best friend, he knew he stood no chance. Not against the perfect boy Jisung had _his eyes_ on. Even if Hyunjin broke the younger' heart it was clear Jisung _still_ had feelings for him, it was the way Jisung looked at him like he was the _only_ thing that mattered it in the world.

The same way Minho looked at Jisung. He fell in love with his best friend, sounds cliche right? And it was, Minho knew it was, but you can't control your feelings. At least to an extent you can't. As much as you can hide it, you can't just force them to disappear.

"Min.. am I not _enough_ for him?" Jisung looks at his best friend with pleading eyes, Minho says nothing just pulls him into a hug. He was scared, scared if Jisung found out how he felt that he'd leave him.

**FEBRUARY 8 2018**

Jisung came running at full speed into Minho's dorm before jumping onto the bed making Minho groan, "I just fixed the sheets," He complained, but really he didn't care, he loved how happy Jisung was every time he came over. Jisung just smiled patting the empty spot beside him as he waited for Minho to put the CD in, tangled, again. They went on Disney princess movie marathons almost every week, their personal favourite being the green-eyed long-haired princess.

Jisung quickly got comfortable laying his head on Minho's shoulder, the elder smiled wrapping his hand around the waist of the other putting his head on top of the other's.

_Warm_ , it was warm with Jisung. Everything about Jisung was warm, even if his hands were always cold it only meant Minho had an excuse to hold his hand, to keep him warm. Jisung was always quick to comply because really he loved it. Holding Minho's hand, Minho hugging him for no reason, giving him attention. He loved it, feeling loved.

Did _he_ love Minho? That was a different question, one he didn't feel the need to answer.

He wasn't ashamed of Minho, not even with all his friends telling him Minho was no good for him, that Minho would only hurt him as did Hyunjin. He wanted Minho to himself, he didn't care what others thought, but something in his mind never allowed him to be honest. To let go of the fear of _judgement_ , fear that he'd _lose_ Minho if he wasn't careful.

Jisung didn't trust _himself_.

**FEBRUARY 13 2018**

Valentine's day was tomorrow.

Minho held the flowers in his hands, Gardenias, flower language. He remembers Jisung reading the book of flower language, Minho never understood what he found so intriguing about it that he would devote all his spare time to reading it. He thought, maybe Jisung would know, the meaning of Gardenias.

He was going to ask Jisung to be his _valentine_.

He takes several breaths before walking to Jisung's dorm room, he carefully inserts the spare keys Jisung had gave him. He wanted to surprise him, he expected the younger to still be asleep.

He slowly opens the door, instead to be greeted by a very different sight.

He drops the flowers.

Jisung and _Hyunjin_.

Jisung's hands around the other's neck.

Kissing, they were _kissing_.

**FEBRUARY 25 2018**

"Minho you can't just ignore me," Jisung raised his voice out of frustration, Minho had thought Jisung hadn't realised he was ignoring him, he came to the conclusion he was _wrong_. He just shrugged not daring to look at the younger.

"What is wrong with you? What the hell did I ever do to you?"

He seems to have forgotten Minho walking in on him with his tongue down his exes throat, but he ignores it.

"I thought we were _friends_."

"No Jisung, we _aren't_ friends, I'm fucking _in love with you_ ,"

**JUNE 10 2018**

"Min, please open the door," They'd fought, again.

They'd be fighting for months, for what felt like every single day. They tried to fix their relationship but it was especially difficult as Minho seemed to do everything in his power to avoid the younger. Although this time Jisung was slightly less clueless, very much aware of the others feelings.

It had dawned him that the whole time, Minho was falling in love with _him_ , at the same time he told Minho every night about his love for Hyunjin. Considering Minho and Jisung's frequent fights Jisung never had the time to explain Hyunjin and his parting.

It was mutual, they seemed to realise it was never going to work. Jisung even helped set up the elder with a boy he seemed to like, Seungmin. It hurt a lot less than he'd expected, as though he'd truly moved on. There was a feeling of satisfaction knowing he could let go of his first love. Except things were far from 'solved' with Minho. It was a never-ending loop of their relationship being normal to fighting and making up the next day.

Jisung was fucking tired, tired of hiding from the other.

"Minho just open the fucking door."

Minho has had his fair share of relationships and flings but Jisung was different. Nobody compared to Jisung. Minho opened the door staring at the ground staying silent. He'd learnt to not cry in front of the younger, let alone show any form of emotion.

"Jisung I'm tired of this," Jisung can barely get a word out at the tension that was only increasing.

"Please just tell me, tell me if there's another guy in the world like you, so I can let you go-"

Something in Jisung's stomach kept pulling at a string in his heart, to just let go, let go of his _pride_.

So, Jisung does. He _kisses_ him.

**OCTOBER 14 2019**

Minho stared at the orange-haired boy beside him, he smiled while running his hands through the long soft hair. He watches as the younger leans back, his eyes squinting as the bright sun almost blinds him. He groaned holding his hands over his eyes to shade himself from the rays.

Minho sees this as an opportunity, he quickly grabs his _polaroid_ standing up and taking a quick photo of the younger, adoring his orange hair against the bright, saturated grass. "You're pretty," He says making the younger blush as he tries to chase the other to get rid of it. To which he refuses.

Jisung gives up falling back down panting at the sudden burst of energy he'd received. He pauses for a moment before looking up at the sky, it was clear, only a few clouds hiding the deep blue. "You know, this place would look equally as _beautiful_ at night. Maybe even more," Minho looks up, "What makes you so sure?" Personally, he thought it was already perfect, but he couldn't help but trust the younger's words, that it would just as beautiful under a dark sky, filled with stars.

"Okay, then I _promise_ I'll bring you here again one day." A small smile forms on Jisung's lips, he seems content, _happy_. Jisung ignores the rustling beside him as Minho seems to move until the warmth of Minho's hand disappears, he looks over at the elder confused.

His eyes widened.

"Han Jisung?"

His mind can barely process what he sees, the love of his life, kneeling there. Holding a box, with a _ring_ inside.

"Will you _marry_ me?"

But remember, Jisung _doesn't_ remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly am not sure how i incorporated so much fluff and angst in a single chapter but your welcome.   
> also don't hate hyunjin assholes he's trying his best :(


	6. Forever's A Long Time

love /lʌv/

an intense feeling of deep affection.

**OCTOBER 14 2022**

Jisung yawned fixing his quilts before walking to his bathroom to wash his face. He groaned hearing a notification come from his phone, he walked back picking it up, almost squinting to read the tiny letters on the screen.

_'1 year married to lee minho.'_

He pauses, he isn't sure how to react. His hands almost start shaking, he is quick to suppress his emotions taking several deep breaths opening the alert. It was a lengthy note, he guessed for himself to read.

The day Minho left he was so sure the boy would come back, come back for him. That maybe he would listen to the voicemail and remember his love for the younger. _But he never did._

_For Han Jisung,_

_I can guess you're probably hugging Min as you read this. Has he teased you today? Played with your hair? Maybe he's already given you an anniversary gift, hopefully, you've gotten your morning forehead kisses. Maybe he's cooked you breakfast for you to wake up too.._

He's not even here, I haven't heard from him in several months. He wants to tell his past self everything that went wrong, everything he couldn't do, everything he did wrong. It was never Minho's fault.

_There's a lot I want to say, to ask. But really my only question is, has your love for him grown? Because as I sit here in our barely furnished living room of my dream apartment I can't help but think it's impossible to love that man any more than I already do._

_It's hard to fathom how I got so lucky, you're so lucky Jisungie. Please cherish him, love him. Never hurt him, I trust you to stick to your vows. You remember them right? You'll always remember them, that day, I'm sure of it._

Funny, because I didn't remember. Did I hurt him? Did I break my vows?

_I want this to last forever, truly I do. I don't think I've ever been so happy in my entire life, so cherish every moment of it. Remind him today, that you'll continue to fall more and more in love with him each day. That you don't regret a single moment of it._

Forever's a long time Jisung.

_Look down at your ring finger, it's pretty isn't it?_

He looked down, the silver ring was cold around his ring finger. He was right, it was beautiful, he'd never seen anything like it. It reminded him of Minho's eyes, the way he used to look at him with such love, _passion._

The chances of his memories returning were slim, he kept that grudge of never wanting them back. He remembers the day after talking with Hyunjin, he explained what had truly happened between them. He agreed they should go their separate ways, he moved on. For Hyunjin, it had been a long 3 years since Jisung had even slipped through his mind but to Jisung just a few months ago he was madly in love with the other. Hyunjin had even found another partner, Kim Seungmin, in the moment he was heartbroken, but looking back he's happy for him.

He remembers getting home and breaking down. He wasn't sure why or what triggered it. He just felt, weak. That's when he found it. Inside a small box hidden behind his nightstand, beside it _a polaroid_. Minho had left it before he left, or that's what he'd guessed.

The polaroid was different from the one he'd found of himself with the long orange hair. It was darker, _a picture of the stars_ , he can see himself resting peacefully inside the car, the reflection of the stars hitting the window of the car illuminating his figure.

The same night he fucked up. He thinks, if he hadn't have lashed out, maybe he'd still be with Minho. The back of the polaroid in the _small neat handwriting,_ he'd already memorised each letter.

**'maybe in another universe, i love you angel.'**

The chances of someone who experiences amnesia to have their memories come back are slim. But sometimes they may slowly come back, a continuous flow of memories. Even just parts and snippets may come back.

He _remembers_ Minho's proposal, it was on that day, the one in the polaroid.

Kissing Minho on the day of their wedding.

Crying in Minho's arms when his anxiety reached an all high,

Firmly holding Minho's hands as they walked through the empty apartment.

Watching Minho at his dance classes, holding hands as they walked to their car

He remembers the feeling of his body flying back, he was at the wheel when the car came at full speed towards their car, the voice was almost distant but he heard himself say, _'I love you,'_ before black.

Maybe not every single detail was clear to him.

But of course, he _loved_ Minho _._

But he was too late.

_He remembered too late._


	7. Too Little Too Late

universe /ˈjuːnɪvəːs/

all existing matter and space considered as a whole; the cosmos. The universe is believed to be at least 10 billion light years in diameter and contains a vast number of galaxies; it has been expanding since its creation in the Big Bang about 13 billion years ago.

**APRIL 21 2023**

Minho remembered everything and continued to remember everything. Whether he liked it or not there was no replacing Jisung, he'd met multiple people throughout the years but nothing compared. He somehow survived every anniversary alone, he moved out of the apartment. Mainly to save himself from the memories that'd resurface at every corner he turned, there was no escaping it.

Felix and Changbin's wedding was in a couple of days and for his own mental health, he'd decided to not attend, not because he wasn't happy for them, but because he knew it'd remind him of Jisung. As well as the fact he wasn't as close with Changbin or Felix anymore, mainly due to him moving dance studios since the old one had become too far away after he moved.

He hadn't realised how much he left behind, almost everything that ever related to Jisung was gone. Why was he still always on his mind? He no longer wore the ring, he kept it in a box along with all of Jisung's other things which he never got to take back.

He'd be lying if he said he never hoped Jisung to come back for him, travel back to Seoul and run to their apartment. But he those hopes quickly vanished especially when he moved. He bit his lip looking at the closed door of the closet which held everything, all the memories packed into boxes. He stood up cautiously opening the door, multiple boxes stacked on top of one another, the labels on each saying 'HJS' as if he couldn't make himself write out his whole name.

He hauled them out one by one grabbing scissors to cut open the tape. His eyes softened at the sight of Jisung's hoodie, it was sad, really. He had tried so hard to move on, but each day he felt like he was losing his mind, unable to sleep due to the flood of thoughts about Jisung filling his mind. He felt his eyes water when he held one hugging it slightly, soft, Jisung's scent had already worn off.

It still hurt.

He opens another box after having gathered a few hoodies to keep for himself. He can't help but smile as he takes out the photo frames, the polaroid, then the CD case which held the video of their wedding day. He opens it, it's empty. His eyes widen, he quickly throws everything out of the box. Where the hell was it. He gulped as a headache began to form, he sighed looking around at the mess he'd created over a CD, "Fuck,"

He stood up walking to the living room to check the CD player hoping maybe, just maybe. It was there, his eyes widened. He doesn't think he's used the CD player for years. He thinks for a moment, did Jisung watch it?

His thoughts are interrupted by a soft meow, he kneels down seeing Soonie with something in her mouth. His eyebrows furrowed as he picks it up, it's his ring box. He takes out the ring looking at it for a moment before putting it back closing it securely.

He was sure Jisung was happy now, so he should be too.

He decides to turn on the radio while he packs up all of Jisung's things he'd thrown around.

"Next up, J.ONE of 3RACHA's _'Love, are you lost?'_ " He gets extreme déjà vu at the name of the song, he isn't entirely sure why, until he _is_.

He remembers it, the tune, the only difference now is that there's lyrics. _Jisung's_ voice, he almost instantly recognises it. He hesitantly takes out his phone searching up the name, his eyes widen as photos of Jisung show up. 3RACHA, an idol group of music producers, singers, rappers. He can't help but be proud of his once lover. He connects his phone to the speaker playing back the song once more as he'd found it on Spotify.

The lyrics, 'I'm lost, your angel's lost. I remembered, remembered too late.'

Jisung, remembered?

The radio suddenly starts up again, "J.ONE! Your new solo album has been a hit in Korea, what is the _meaning_ behind the title track?"

He felt a growing warmth in his body as he heard Jisung thank them in a small voice, he could just envision the smile on his face, "It's for someone very _special_ to me and holds a very important meaning to me. I felt _lost_ for a really long time and as if the was nothing I could do to fix it. I felt as though maybe other people might relate to the song, or just even understand what I'm trying to convey?"

"Because I felt really, really _alone_ without this person. All I had left was my thoughts, but I found ways to cope and I'm not sure if I'll ever fully move on but I've learnt to understand that life won't always go as planned. I now know that there's _nothing_ I can do, they've moved on and no longer want to associate with me, I understand. Even the most perfect of things won't always work.. if somehow that person is hearing this,"

 _Maybe_ if Minho had still lived in their old apartment, he would've received Jisung's letter.

**"Maybe in another universe."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cries into existence.. honestly it feels like this fic went by really fast, likely because it kinda did. i'm not entirely sure how i feel about the ending, i did consider a happy ending but i also better enjoyed the idea of letting my characters and readers suffer, kidding.
> 
> but i was projecting a lot of my own thoughts and experiences while writing, so that's probably why it isn't so happy and a mess lol - so blame me and my shitty love life.
> 
> anyway, i'll probably continue to write more minsung fics, hopefully some with a happier ending. but still, hope you enjoyed even a little :D !
> 
> also, i was thinking about creating a playlist for my fics, specifically adding songs i listened to while writing the fic? it was a thought i'll see if i develop on it, ok thank you for reading <3


End file.
